Mighty Kangaroos

You know what’s problematic when you’re flying on a mount? The wind is constantly tugging at your belongings like a ferocious two-year old on a sugar-high who happens to be made of wind.

This is the root of the appeal for flying on mighty kangaroos, they have a place to put things.

 

The magic capes that grant them flight also serve as large pouches in which to carry your belongings, such as family heirloom timepieces, safe from the wind’s metaphoric candy-and-slobber-coated grubby grabbers.

“But, what about keeping things in the pouch in front?” You might ask? Well, sirs and madams, that pouch is NOT for your half-wrapped taffies, discarded lollies and crumpled light reading.

That pouch is for BABIES.

And also, that is where you ride the mighty kangaroo, by the mighty kangaroo’s good graces only. Given the high honor of being borne aloft by one of these magical mommies, it would be unconscionably rude to do anything that might tarnish her majestic pocket pelt.

Respect kangaroo customs and place your shoes and any other hard, dirty, and/or precious belongings in the capesack as you step into the pouch. Remove any riding gear with protruding snaps or buttons and do your best to stand away from the mighty mommy’s tender teats. Also remember, before entering the pouch one should always say “please,” and upon disembarking one should say “thank you, mommy” before reclaiming one’s belongings. By displaying these simple courtesies you will secure both your belongings and your reputation among the MILFO community.

Space Panda

At first I worried about what I could say about Space Pandas that has not been said before. They are one of the most written about types of pandas in the Universe, and yet (or perhaps because of this) there are still many misconceptions.

For instance, space pandas are often depicted with antennae on their space bowls, however real space pandas don't need antennae and anyway they look dumb. Also, the bowl is not for breathing, per se, but it does retain some air which allows the space panda to sing to itself, which many of them enjoy.

If you are hoping to ride a space panda, you should first practice by riding a regular panda and imagining you are in space. If this goes well, then the next step is typically to go to space. While space pandas sometimes visit Earth, they find the climate generally muggy. They already sweat profusely in space, which they use as a sort of propulsion system, and so, on Earth they often appear to be miserable and much thinner because their fur gets so soggy. It is therefur advisable to pad your harness with a very large towel if you plan on entering atmospheres with more than 10% water vapor.

Finally, remember to treat your space panda with respect. They are not bears. They are overgrown space raccoons. There is a difference.