Flying Buffalo

Flying over the Appalachian Trail on Appa's back would be just like hiking the Appalachian Trail except less strenuous and with more yelling: "WaaHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOwoowoowooWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and doing barrel rolls and stuff. Make sure you buckle the top of your picnic basket and zip all your pockets closed before doing barrel rolls and stuff. If your jerky falls out when you're a couple hundred feet above the trees, chances are you are not going to find it by the time you land. Flying Buffalo lose a lot of respect for riders that can't handle their jerky, and if a flying buffalo doesn't respect you, he won't let you milk him anymore, and then it's no more mozarella di volo bufala for you, just soggy GORP, wet with your own tears.

Medley

So I was all in this spooky temple and there's this crazy man with a hat asking me: "What time is it? For the love of buckets, my timeshoes!" and I was trying not to look him in the eyes, which was easier than it could have been if we were just like on the subway or whatever since there was this crazy-lookin' animal over his shoulder and I kept staring at it trying to figure out what was goin' on there. Turns out, it was a drawing someone did this one time, but now it was walking around this temple and so I was like, can you get me away from this guy with the hat, and the thing couldn't talk, but I climbed on it's back and we went and got french fries at this Belgian place with this really good mayo dip. I never saw that guy again, but I sure do hope he found his timeshoes.

Giant Flying Turtle

Turtles win! We are not surprised, but actually, this was a trick question. You see, turtles already fly, fact. This is one of those facts that is so big, we rarely notice that it is facting right under our noses. This fact is so big that we all ride on the back of this giant, coyly smiling fact as it flies through the cosmos. Sure, the pixie life has it's appeal, and darting into an open chimney on the back of a sparrow, clinging to the soot within, trying to choke back smoke-induced coughs and sneezes as the shadow of the gypsy's owl glides across your tremorous brow has an undeniable charm, but we're talking uberMILFO here. This is the mount upon which all other mounts are more or less also mounted on by virtue of the fact that all the air they are flying in is held via gravitational magic to the gigantic rock which in turn rests on the back of this thankless world-bearer. We should thank him, though. Without his lazy circles through the cosmos, we wouldn't have seasons. Fact.

Flying Turtle

By popular demand, MILFO is proud to present the flying turtle. The humble turtle won our first survey as the flightless animal to which you, our discerning readers, most wanted to grant the power of flight. So often we here at MILFO assume that if something isn't typically big enough to serve as a mount for a human-sized rider, that we ought to photoshop this animal to be big enough. Well, in honor of the humble turtle, today we wonder: "What if we were just really small." In addition to being able to hunt beetles from the back of our chelonian mount, being only a few inches tall has other advantages. Just imagine the things you could climb inside of: old shoes, banana peels, a stromboli. Just watch out for birds. Birds are dicks.

Supa Hanii Bajia

Supa Hanii Bajia GO TIME!!! This is the most ferocious form of Hanii Bajia. Eye lasers shoot surrealist donkey dead forever. Awesome job, Bajia! Oh! Metcha cute rider, but she does not need that sword. Hanii Bajia has many guns instead. Look out if you are not riding Supa Hanii Bajia. Without fear, without remorse. Even in the air you will be trampled by his terrible rocket feet. GO HANII BAJIA GO FOR LOVE!!!

Honey Badger

They say honey is sweeter than blood, and vice versa. Well, with a flying honey badger, you will soon be bathing in plenty of both. Honey badgers are, in a word, fearless. This is the furry frenetic fury you want to be clutching between your thighs when you have to face 7-stories of coiled flame serpent. Egg-nomming dinos with long sticky tongues might be fine for some light Saturday afternoon platforming, but honey badgers are your bottom mount when the boss fight theme kicks in. Lead with the teeth and hold on tight. The honey badger does not fear for your safety either.

Shrike

If you're ever in need of flitting over hordes of undead and impaling the unholy bastards on convenient steeples and fence posts, an appropriately sized shrike is your mount of choice. Shrikes are natural born impalers, habitually leaving prey impaled on thorns or other spikes to facilitate the rending of the fleshy delicious bits from the chitinous less delicious bits. These instincts make them a natural choice for vampire hunters up against flying blood-suckers or just looking for an unfair advantage, but when we're talking about blood-drinking merciless evil, who cares about fair?