Flying Turtle

By popular demand, MILFO is proud to present the flying turtle. The humble turtle won our first survey as the flightless animal to which you, our discerning readers, most wanted to grant the power of flight. So often we here at MILFO assume that if something isn't typically big enough to serve as a mount for a human-sized rider, that we ought to photoshop this animal to be big enough. Well, in honor of the humble turtle, today we wonder: "What if we were just really small." In addition to being able to hunt beetles from the back of our chelonian mount, being only a few inches tall has other advantages. Just imagine the things you could climb inside of: old shoes, banana peels, a stromboli. Just watch out for birds. Birds are dicks.

Supa Hanii Bajia

Supa Hanii Bajia GO TIME!!! This is the most ferocious form of Hanii Bajia. Eye lasers shoot surrealist donkey dead forever. Awesome job, Bajia! Oh! Metcha cute rider, but she does not need that sword. Hanii Bajia has many guns instead. Look out if you are not riding Supa Hanii Bajia. Without fear, without remorse. Even in the air you will be trampled by his terrible rocket feet. GO HANII BAJIA GO FOR LOVE!!!

Honey Badger

They say honey is sweeter than blood, and vice versa. Well, with a flying honey badger, you will soon be bathing in plenty of both. Honey badgers are, in a word, fearless. This is the furry frenetic fury you want to be clutching between your thighs when you have to face 7-stories of coiled flame serpent. Egg-nomming dinos with long sticky tongues might be fine for some light Saturday afternoon platforming, but honey badgers are your bottom mount when the boss fight theme kicks in. Lead with the teeth and hold on tight. The honey badger does not fear for your safety either.

Shrike

If you're ever in need of flitting over hordes of undead and impaling the unholy bastards on convenient steeples and fence posts, an appropriately sized shrike is your mount of choice. Shrikes are natural born impalers, habitually leaving prey impaled on thorns or other spikes to facilitate the rending of the fleshy delicious bits from the chitinous less delicious bits. These instincts make them a natural choice for vampire hunters up against flying blood-suckers or just looking for an unfair advantage, but when we're talking about blood-drinking merciless evil, who cares about fair?

DOGGIES!

OMG2CUTE! Giant babies riding giant flying doggies. I bet that farmer just doesn't know what to think. He is probably calculating precipitation forecasts. He is likely to assume that the poodle with clouds for feet will make lots of rain to help his yellow flowers grow. Tie-fighter great danes and panda poodles? Well, you never can tell with those kinds. Might go either way.

Pegasus

So you like horses because Daniel Radcliffe likes horses and you think you can just put wings on a horse and fly off into the sunset? Well, THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS, PEOPLE! You can't just go around photoshopping wings onto whatever catches your eye and expect people to take you seriously. We are including your pretty flying horseys for sake of completion, but don't expect us to be posting flying horses every week. We have serious mount analysis to get to.

Veteran Eagle

This blog has been accused of being un-American. Well, that simply is not true. MILFO is the most American blog of its kind. MILFO is about working hard to achieve your dreams, dreams of one day riding on the back of a flying animal, and we proudly thank those men and women who have served in the armed forces to protect our rights and dreams. This MILFO is in honor of my grandfather, Grampy, who was a sailor in the US Navy. He and the other veterans who hung out in their basement office at the local air field really loved emailing pictures of boobies to each other. That is why John Wayne is riding an eagle in front of boobies painted to look like the American flag. You too can show your support for our veterans by emailing them these boobies, because there are probably very few U.S. veterans who do not like John Wayne, eagles, and/or boobies.